Why They’re Not Negotiating and What to Do About It.
- May 24
- 4 min read
Walking past a mannequin outside a tattoo shop in Brussels, I was reminded of a recent client conversation. They were stuck - unable to bring the other party to the negotiation table.
If you've been in a similar situation, you're not alone. There are three main reasons why a party may refuse to engage:
Reason one – they feel too strong:
• They believe their position or BATNA is strong enough.
• They’re using tactical silence - waiting for time to shift the leverage in their favour.
• Your invitation may have sounded like a concession or weakness, so they are waiting for more.
• You may have framed it as only a price negotiation, something they won’t entertain.
Reason two – the opposite of reason one.
• They see negotiation as a win-lose scenario and feel they’ll lose.
• They fear or dislike negotiation and avoid discomfort.
• They’re not ready or are overwhelmed, but unwilling to admit it.
Reason three – emotions are too high.
• Distrust, ego, or unresolved past conflict is in the way.
• They lack the authority to negotiate and can’t say so.
Each of these has a solution, and the first is easier than the last. Start by identifying which one you’re dealing with.
Reason one – they feel strong. What can you do? Surprisingly, a lot.
Shift their perception of your value: Highlight unique advantages you bring that their BATNA doesn’t offer—speed, flexibility, risk reduction, brand impact, or post-deal support.
Introduce uncertainty: Subtly question the strength of their BATNA without direct confrontation (e.g., "We've seen similar alternatives fall short due to X—would that be a concern in your case?").
Strengthen your own BATNA visibly: Show that you’re not overly dependent on the deal—this can rebalance power and increase their incentive to engage.
Control the timing: Set soft deadlines or create urgency through external factors (e.g., upcoming changes, limited availability, or competitive interest).
Stay visible but not needy: Share updates, results, or industry moves that signal strength without pressing them—silence can then work against them, not you.
Change the dynamic: Re-engage with a new topic or frame—perhaps a non-financial benefit, pilot phase, or long-term opportunity.
Broaden the conversation: Shift from price to total value—highlight quality, continuity, innovation, service, risk reduction, or long-term partnership.
In all cases, your posture matters. Be seen as a peer, not a pursuer. The goal isn’t to “win them over,” but to make the negotiation strategically compelling enough that they want to come to the table.
Reason two - they may feel too weak.
Reframe negotiation as problem-solving: Use collaborative language—"Let's explore options together" or "How can we create value for both sides?"
Emphasise mutual benefit: Show how the deal improves outcomes for them, not just you. Share examples or success stories with similar partners.
Avoid zero-sum framing: Don’t talk about “concessions” or “demands”—use terms like “trade-offs,” “alignments,” or “joint goals.”
Make the process informal and low-pressure: Suggest a conversation, not a negotiation—e.g., “Let’s compare priorities and see where there’s alignment.”
Use a relationship-first approach: Invest time in building rapport, showing empathy, and asking open-ended questions before diving into terms.
Offer structure to reduce anxiety: Some people fear the unknown—propose a clear agenda, timeline, or phased approach to make it feel more manageable.
Reason two requires more emotional intelligence than force of argument. Your aim isn’t to win them over—it’s to make them feel safe, seen, and in control enough to engage.
In a case of distrust or a touched ego, try the following:
Acknowledge the history—carefully
Without reopening old wounds, recognise the background:"I understand there’s been tension in the past. I’d like to explore whether we can approach this with a fresh perspective."
Change the negotiator
If the relationship is damaged, introduce a new face or a neutral party or someone with no prior baggage. This can reset the tone.
Separate people from the problem
Make it clear that your intent is to collaborate, not confront:"We’re not here to revisit what happened—we’re focused on what’s possible going forward."
Rebuild trust through small actions
Start with low-risk, goodwill gestures—sharing valuable information, being transparent, or keeping minor promises—these help soften resistance over time.
If lack of authority is the real reason, do this:
Ask open-ended diagnostic questions
"Who else might need to be involved as we move toward specifics?"
"What would the decision-making process look like on your side?" This lets them reveal limitations without directly admitting powerlessness.
Offer to bring both sides' decision-makers together
Frame it as alignment:"Would it make sense to set up a joint discussion with the relevant stakeholders on both ends?"
Empower them with materials
Help them advocate for the deal internally:"Would it help if I sent a summary or a deck you can use to brief your leadership?"
Be patient but persistent
Sometimes, they're testing if you're serious enough to wait. Stay engaged without pressuring—your consistency builds credibility.
As this article has shown, the reasons behind a party’s reluctance to negotiate can vary widely — even oppose one another. A skilled negotiator, however, can still achieve their objectives through deliberate planning, strategic communication, and thoughtful navigation of the dialogue.
